| HOME DIVORCE BASICS THE METHODS THE GUARANTEE MEET THE SPECIALISTS FAQ CONTACT US |
|
  MARRIAGE COACHING FAQ >
What is Relationship Coaching? Obviously the concept of getting help from experts has been around since cavemen went to classes on starting fires and spear throwing. Historically “coaches” have been seen on the sidelines at athletic events whether it was an individual sport like golf or a team sport like basketball or baseball. Their job usually depended on the goals of the team or individual they worked with but they usually included directing, guiding and leading people to new and higher levels of improvement and results. As relationship coaches our primary desire is to help you to dramatically improve the conditions of your relationships. With extensive experience in the game of relating, our coaches become a new, temporary, partner in your relationship. We literally sit on the sidelines of your relationship paying attention to your interactions and quickly identify disabling habits and patterns that you and your partner might not be able to see. Once the patterns are more closely understood by the three of us, together we customize new ways of seeing each other and cooperatively develop solutions and skills designed to get the results you both desire to have. Ultimately the effectiveness of any coach is measured by only one thing…RESULTS. The role of a coach is really multi-faceted. Some of the most obvious roles that we play are these : 1. Motivator- When you’re not quite sure you can take it any longer, we’re there to fight for your relationships with you. 2. Visionary- We have a solid vision of what makes healthy, long-term relationships and our processes enable you and your spouse to connect or reconnect to a vision that will lift you to entirely new levels of activity. 3. Counselor- We see the mind as the greatest tool to effective relationships and the greatest impediment. A coaches job is to help you understand your basic needs and conquer your ineffective thinking. 4. Conditioning Expert- Almost everything is easier once your conditioned to deal with it. We’ll drill you and work you out to deal with even the most difficult relationship issues. 5. Communications Expert- On a weekly basis we’ll help you design new communication approaches to use in your relationship. We’ll also evaluate the success of the plays you’re using and give you more and more tools to meet the dynamic needs of relationships. 6. Support Provider- We’ll walk by your side as you both surface issues and concerns that are usually at the core of the problems. We give you confidence through a process that can lift your relationship to new levels. 7. Source of accountability- At times we’ll call “bull crap”, releasing your excuses and holding you accountable to change. We’ll hold you accountable so there are no more promises of change that never come to fruition. Our coaches have in-depth understanding of the habits and skills of what it takes to build and sustain a long-term relationship. The greatest skills our coaches possess however is not their knowledge about relationships but instead their ability to facilitate change in the relationships of each and every client they coach. It’s one thing to say you can help people change, it’s quite another to actually do it. Our coaches know how to do it. What types of relationships do you coach? All types! At the Townsend Relationship Center we coach literally all types of relationships. Whether you are married or dating, divorcing or divorced we can help you improve how you interact. We also coach extensively on parenting relationships and all business relationships as well. We have worked with divorced couples trying to work together as co-parents for the benefit of their children. Our coaches also have extensive experience coaching in the business arena. Below is a list of other areas where we have developed content that might be useful to you.
Overall we are willing to work with any relationship troubles no matter what form they take. So how does coaching differ from counseling? Of all of the questions that I get asked about coaching, this is my favorite one to answer because of the profoundly positive benefits it implies. Although counseling has proven to have very positive results with an individuals behavior change and modifications, in general, results from marriage counseling have been much less positive and inconsistent. The following article written by a leading professor of psychology explains how quite literally, Therapy may be hazardous for your marital health. The following chart shows in a variety of categories how marriage counseling differs from Relationship coaching.
What backgrounds do coaches typically come from? At the Townsend Relationship Center, we take coaching very seriously and hold our coaching staff to the highest standards possible. All of our staff has advanced degrees in the human development or communications fields. All have extensive experience in coaching individuals ranging from individuals in typical struggling marriages to senior leaders in corporations and government. Many of our coaches have extensive experience in training and development field and are used to working with people to create positive change and results. What does a typical coaching session look like? There really is no such thing as a “typical” coaching session because every session is so customized to meet the needs of each client or couple. Traditionally one of the first things that we do with every client we work with is create what we call a baseline of understanding using various assessments and profiles that help us obtain a quick understanding of what is going on between the couple. Once completed, the coaches share that information with their clients and together we set goals and measurements for what is to be accomplished in the coaching sessions and how success will be measured. As each program is customized, the coach will create exercises and discussions that you will have while working together during the sessions. Additional activities will also be given at the end of each session to be accomplished during the week. At the beginning of the next session our coaches will follow up on the assignments that were agreed upon the previous week to determine what is working and what needs adjustment. We are constantly looking for “positive” examples of where the process is working and try to create numerous examples of success. Simultaneously by understanding where it’s working we can also see where things just aren’t coming together. Once we see any gaps in our program we’ll spend time trying to understand the difference and try to remove the obstacles for accomplishing the goals. Usually this might take us about the first half of the session each week. In the second half of each session we usually begin to work on new rules, skills and tools to handle the most pressing issues facing your relationships. Some of the most basic skills we teach are communication skills and conflict resolution skills as well as tools to help you make decisions where you tend to disagree. Finally we will spend time practicing the skills utilizing your real-life issues and expectations and create new action items and assignments for you to report back on the next week. The process is then repeated throughout the next week with completely different tasks and skills to be learned. What if I want to come to coaching but my spouse doesn’t? Actually this is very a common situation when it comes to marriages and you need not worry too much about it at first. We have experienced a considerable amount of success in our marriage coaching, even if there is just one spouse looking to improve things. Now obviously two heads are better than one head when working on marital issues but when that’s not possible, we’ve found that one head is better than none. Relationships are such that if one person makes significant changes than the relationship must change. That inevitable change is due to the fact that all relationships are systems and if you change one part of the system, then other parts will be affected. This principle is self evident when you think about how easily one partner in the relationship can mess things up with just one selfish or uncaring act. If one partner can so easily mess up the relationship, isn’t it also possible that one partner can just as easily improve the relationship if they’re focused on the right things? Our coaches help you examine the system that is your relationship. They also can offer you alone, or with your spouse, specific guidance for how to begin to improve your interactions in an effort to deliver the results you are looking for in your relationship. One final benefit of coaching versus therapy is that men typically feel that therapy is a much more “female” oriented process with lots of “touchy freely talking.” Our research shows that men tend to connect better to the concept of coaching and they show significantly more willingness to get help from a coach than from a therapist. So before you come in alone, talk to him/her about coaching and see what he/she thinks. What if we live in a rural area or too far from the coaching office to attend in person? Not a problem! Many of our clients in fact are not able to make it into the office for their sessions. In fact we have spent a considerable amount of time coaching clients on the phone all over the country. Obviously this affects our approach a little bit but overall we’ve found the results are similar. Generally we just hold shorter sessions because two hours on the phone is something only a teenager could endure. We are also more careful to assign different practices and activities to ensure that you’re actually retaining the skills from the coaching sessions. What if our relationship is just too far gone, too damaged, is coaching even worth it? Excellent question and it’s obvious that this question comes from someone who may be close to giving up all hope on their relationship. Basically our response to the question is this. As long as you have hope in the relationship, coaching is beneficial, and it does produce positive results. We wish we could tell you where the line of “too far gone” or “too damaged” is but we’ve found that it all depends on the relationship, the history and those two people involved. We’ve worked with couples literally in the middle of their divorce that have managed to learn the skills and adjust their negative patterns and save their marriages. We have also worked with couples that although they never really set out to save their marriage, they wanted to save their relationship, that way they would have the strength to be better co-parents and friends. One of the most important things to remember is that just because your marriage ends it doesn’t mean that your need to relate does. It will never get any easier to relate with each other than it is right now. So before you perform any last rights on your relationship, why don’t you give us a call and get our view on the problem. We’ll let you know what the chances are. Is coaching more or less expensive than counseling or therapy? Is it covered by insurance? Generally speaking our coaching is the same hourly price as most established therapists or counselors. The difference in pricing is really based on the fact that in coaching you get so much more than you would from a traditional therapy session. Coaching sessions are usually twice as long as therapy and involve significantly more skill building exercises than you’ll see in therapy. Due to the fact that coaches are really marriage educators you will receive considerably more tools, skills, materials, skill practice and goal setting activity than you would with any therapist. As coaching is still relatively new as a specialty we are not yet covered by insurance providers which means that potentially more of the money has to come out of pocket, which for us has worked as a positive. We’ve found that most couples who pay for their coaching out of pocket are considerably more committed to the process and more willing to make it work than those whose insurance pays. Another reality of insurance is that they generally only cover individual therapy and not marriage counseling. They also limit the amount of sessions you can have without paying for it to six, 50-minute sessions. That’s less than half of the time our coaches spend working with you to improve your marriage. How long does coaching process usually last? How long your coaching sessions last is completely dependent on the couple. On average our programs run six to seven weeks. One reason we are able to have so much success so quickly is because of our proven process. On average our sessions last any where from an hour and a half to two hours per session. The average counselor or therapist usually works with their clients about half that much for about 50 minutes a session. That added time per week allows us to create so much more momentum and traction on the real issues and ensures that you’ll both be back on the path to a fulfilling relationship much faster How do I get started with a coach? How do I find out more about the process?
The first step on the road to changing your marriage is a simple phone call to our office and if you want to set up a free consultation with one of our coaches. The consultation is a 30-minute meeting either in office or over the phone where one of our coaches talk with you to explore what is going on in your relationship. During this consultation we will try to understand your situation as well as educating you on the process of coaching. Our primary goal in this meeting is to make sure that you truly are a couple who would qualify for our program as well as giving you the chance to ask any questions you have about us. Obviously for the coaching partnership to work, we would both have to be very comfortable with each other. This consultation is a chance for us to give you our honest perspective about what is happening in your relationship and to let you get a look at our initial plan to help you fix it. In the end, the decision of what you do next is left entirely in your hands. If you are interested in a free consultation please contact us at 801-748-0766 and we will set one up at your convenience.
|
